A paraprosdokian is a phrase or sentence that leads us down the garden
path to an unexpected ending. Winston Churchill loved them. “Where
there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a paraprosdokian.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then
proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In
case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
15. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
16. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
17. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
18. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so
they can’t get away.
19. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
20. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
21. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
22. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.