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P&G Meets Wendi…

The following is an actual letter written by a woman named Wendi. She lives in Austin, Texas, and she sent the letter to Proctor and Gamble regarding their maxi pad products.

This was PC Magazine’s 2009 Editors’ Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via email, and it’s highly deserving of the honor. You need to read the whole letter because it will have you dying of laughter within a matter of minutes.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’

Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull. And that’s a promise I will keep.

Always…
Wendi
Austin, TX

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Missouri Has No Illegals

Missouri has no illegal’s; go figure…
Shouldn’t the other states do the same? Missouri’s approach to the problem of illegal immigration appears to be more advanced, sophisticated, strict and effective than anything to date in Arizona. Does the White House appreciate what Missouri has done? So, why doesn’t Missouri receive attention? Answer: There are no illegal’s in Missouri to demonstrate.

The “Show Me” state has again shown us how it should be done. There needs to be more publicity and exposure regarding what Missouri has done. Please pass this around.

In 2007, Missouri placed on the ballot a proposed constitutional amendment designating English as the official language of Missouri . In November, 2008, nearly 90% voted in favor! Thus, English became the official language for ALL governmental activity in Missouri . No individual has the right to demand government services in a language OTHER than English.

In 2008, a measure was passed that required the Missouri Highway Patrol and other law enforcement officials to verify the immigration status of any person arrested, and inform federal authorities if the person is found to be in Missouri illegally. Missouri law enforcement officers receive specific training with respect to enforcement of federal immigration laws.

In Missouri, illegal immigrants do NOT have access to taxpayer benefits such as food stamps or health care through Missouri Health NET.

In 2009, a measure was passed that ensures Missouri ‘s public institutions of higher education do NOT award financial aid to individuals who are illegally in the United States .

In Missouri all post-secondary institutions of higher education are required to annually certify to the Missouri Dept. Of Higher Education that they have NOT knowingly awarded financial aid to students who are unlawfully present in the United States .

So, while Arizona has made national news for its new law, it is important to remember, Missouri has been far more proactive in addressing this horrific problem. Missouri has made it clear that illegal immigrants are NOT WELCOME in the state and they will NOT receive public benefits at the expense of Missouri taxpayers.

Taken from: “The Ozarks Sentinel” Editorial –

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Did You Know …….

What did Presidents Hoover, Truman, and Eisenhower have in common?

This is something that should be of great interest for you to pass around. I didn’t know of this until it was pointed out to me.

Back during the great depression, Herbert Hoover ordered the deportation of ALL illegal aliens in order to make jobs available to American citizens that desperately needed work.

Harry Truman deported over two million illegal aliens after WWII to create jobs for Returning veterans.

In 1954 Dwight Eisenhower deported 13 million Mexicans. The program was called Operation Wetback. It was done so WWII and Korean War veterans would have a better chance at jobs. It took two years, but they deported them!

Now, if they could deport the illegal aliens back then, they could surely do it today. If you have doubts about the veracity of this information, enter Operation Wetback into your favorite search engine and confirm it for yourself.

Why, you might ask, can’t they do this today? Actually the answer is quite simple. Hoover, Truman, and Eisenhower were men of honor, not untrustworthy politicians looking for votes!

Reminder: Don’t forget to pay your taxes; 12 to 20 million illegal aliens are depending on it. And more added every day…

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He Sees Things Differently..

He sees things differently than most of us! If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous erudite comic scientist who once said: “I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.”

Here are some of his gems:

  • – i’d kill for a nobel peace prize.
  • – borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
  • – half the people you know are below average.
  • – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • – a conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  • – a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • – if you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
  • – all those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
  • – the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • – i almost had a psychic girlfriend, …… but she left me before we met.
  • – ok, so what’s the speed of dark?
  • – how do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
  • – if everything seems to be going well, you have
    obviously overlooked something.
  • – depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • – when everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  • – ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • – hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
  • – i intend to live forever… so far, so good.
  • – eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
  • – what happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • – my mechanic told me, “i couldn’t repair your brakes, so i made your horn louder.”
  • – why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
  • – if at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • – a conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • – experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • – the hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • – to steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • – the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • – the sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  • – the colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  • – everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
  • – if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Thanks, Tom Graham

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The Oscars and The Silent Majority

Oscar

The 89th showing of the Academy Awards is coming up on February 26th. It is important that we, the deplorables, show the likes of Meryl Streep, Jennifer Lawrence, Alec Baldwin, Cher, Ashley Judd, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, and the other arrogant hypocrites, that we, the backbone and decent people of America, are more united than the bitter, unhappy, angry, divisive people of the entertainment industry.

Oscar
These arrogant, pompous, pampered soulless individuals declare that half of Americans are racist, sexist, and bigoted for voicing our political choice through Donald Trump. Yet there can be no doubt that the entertainment industry does more to exploit, degrade, minimize, and stereotype women than Donald Trump or any other industry ever has.

From Madonna and Miley Cyrus parading on stage with little to no clothing while grabbing their crotches and allowing fans to do the same, to movies that depict women as whores, sluts, and gold-diggers dependent on their bodies for survival, to the deplorable speeches of Madonna and Ashley Judd talking about their periods in a vile manner and talking about blowing up the White House, we must send these evil-hearted people a strong and distinct message that they do not speak for the women of this country and they are not the role models of our young daughters.

The wearing of pink does not negate the black hearts that these people have for our country and our Constitution. Nor does it negate the disdain and contempt they have for the American people and our political process.

In recent social media threads, the good people of this nation are calling for a full boycott of the entertainment industry for this unwarranted and outrageous display of petulant behavior. Some in the entertainment industry are mocking us saying, “Go ahead, we don’t need you trailer trash racists.”

That may be true, but these people do need our green dollars. It is important that we send a strong and powerful message to this group telling them to stick to their make believe jobs and to leave the politics of this country to the people, just as our wise and forward thinking forefathers designed.

The good people of this country are not asking you to give up movies. We are asking you to take two simple steps.

  • First, protest these groups by refusing to watch the Academy Awards on February 26. Simply change the channel or go for a walk with your family members and tell them how much you love them.
  • Second, forward this request to as many friends as possible and post it on social media to get the word out.
    This will only be effective if we show the same unity we exhibited during the election. Yet how powerful will it be when the ratings for the Academy Awards fall in the toilet. It is only for a couple of hours and requires very little effort. When this happens, the arrogant entertainment industry will understand just how insignificant and powerless they are. Boycott the Academy Awards, a “peaceful” protest from the silent majority!

I am so proud of my fellow Americans who stood up and said, “Enough is Enough.” Michelle may have only been proud of this country once in her life, but we the patriots have never lost our love and pride in America. The left is now up to their old tricks trying to bully the rest of us into feeling guilty.

Let them know that their selfish, vulgar, and unpatriotic behavior over this past few weeks will not be tolerated. Let them know that we will not be silenced and that we are no longer going to be shamed for what we believe. We must continue the fight. We must shut them down now. We must show them that America will be great again no matter how filthy and disgusting they become.

Boycott the Academy Awards on February 26, 2017

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The Holiday Postal Crew

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job
was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to
God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was
about.

old postman with old postal carThe letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which
was all the money I had until my next pension payment.
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my
friends over for dinner.

Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no
family to turn to, and you are my only hope…
Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all
the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and
came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds,
he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and
sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow
thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the
same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious
dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my
friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely,

Edna

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