He sees things differently than most of us! If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous erudite comic scientist who once said: “I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.”
Here are some of his gems:
- – i’d kill for a nobel peace prize.
- – borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
- – half the people you know are below average.
- – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- – a conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- – a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- – if you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
- – all those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
- – the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- – i almost had a psychic girlfriend, …… but she left me before we met.
- – ok, so what’s the speed of dark?
- – how do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
- – if everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.
- – depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- – when everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
- – ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- – hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
- – i intend to live forever… so far, so good.
- – eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
- – what happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- – my mechanic told me, “i couldn’t repair your brakes, so i made your horn louder.”
- – why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
- – if at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- – a conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- – experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- – the hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
- – to steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- – the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- – the sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
- – the colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
- – everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
- – if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Thanks, Tom Graham