Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold them while you chop.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the bathroom sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you’ll
be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
doesn’t move and should, use the WD -40. If it shouldn’t move and
does, use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT
THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
A little levity never hurt anyone!