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During the Labor Day Weekend we have all probably eaten too much
and have put on a couple of pounds. The best thing to do is get those
pounds off quick.
I have found a great receipe to do just that.
Exercise for People Over 50
- Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty
of room at each side.
- With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out
from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to
reach a full minute, and then relax.
- Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer.
- After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.
- Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where
you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms
straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)
- After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.
Good luck to ya!
Here are some amazingly simple home remedies that I’m sure you can
put to good use.
- Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold them while you chop.
- Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink.
- For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.
- A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you’ll
be afraid to cough.
- You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
doesn’t move and should, use the WD -40. If it shouldn’t move and
does, use the duct tape.
- If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT
THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. She realizes that virtually all of her customers
are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve
this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now,
but pay later.
Heidi keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers’ loans).
Word gets around about Heidi’s “drink now, pay later” marketing strategy and, as a result,
increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume
for any bar in Detroit .
By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance
when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most
consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi’s gross sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts
constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit. He sees no reason
for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions,
and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities
are then bundled and traded on international security markets.
Naive investors don’t really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured
bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously
climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation’s leading
brokerage houses.
One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local
bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at
Heidi’s bar. He so informs Heidi.
Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they
cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is
forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.
Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset
value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit
and economic activity in the community.The suppliers of Heidi’s bar had granted her generous
payment extensions and had invested their firms’ pension funds in the various BOND securities.
They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of
the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on
a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a
competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.
Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved
and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies
in Government.. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed,
middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi’s bar.
Now, that wasn’t hard to understand was it?
Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents
stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well,
check this out. Could any of US have passed the 8th grade
in 1895?
Following is the 8th grade exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas.
It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey
Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, and reprinted
by the Salina Journal.
8th Grade Final Exam
Grammer (Time 1 Hour)
- Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
- Name the parts of speech and define those that have modifications.
- Define verse, stanza and paragraph.
- What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principle parts of “lie”, “play”, and “run”.
- Define case: Illustrate each case.
- What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctation.
- Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.
Arithmetic (Time: 1.25 hours)
- Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
- A wagon box is 2 feet deep, 10 feet long and 3 feet wide.
How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
- If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at
50 cents a bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. for tare?
- District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the
necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per
month, and have $104 for incidentals?
- Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. coal at $6 per ton?
- Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at
7 percent.
- What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 feet
long at $20 per meter?
- Find the bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at
10 percent.
- What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the
distance of which is 640 rods?
- Write a bank check, a promissory note, and a receipt.
U. S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
- Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
- Give an account of the discovery of America By Columbus.
- Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
- Show the territorial growth of the United States.
- Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
- Describe three of the most prominent battles of the
rebellion.
- Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell,
Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
- Name events connected with the following dates: 1607,
1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.
Orthography (Time, one hour)
- What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic,
orthography, etymology, syllabication.
- What are elementary sounds? How classified?
- What are the following, and give examples of each:
Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals.
- Give four substitutes for caret ‘u’.
- Give two rules for spelling words with final ‘e’. Name
two exceptions under each rule.
- Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
- Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a
word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
- Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following,
and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy,
sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
- Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight,
fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
- Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate
pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.
Geography (Time, one hour)
- What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
- How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
- Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
- Describe the mountains of North America.
- Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver,
Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandes, Aspinwall
and Orinoco.
- Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
- Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
- Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same
latitude?
- Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns
to the sources of rivers.
- Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination
of the earth.
Did you notice that the exam took six hours to complete?
Gives the saying “he only had an 8th grade education” a whole
new meaning, doesn’t it?
Since the dumbing down of our educational system it’s doubtful that
even a present day high school graduate wouldn’t pass this test.
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel “pick up your shovel,
mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land.”
Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up
a Camel, this is the promised land.”
Now Our Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the promised land!
Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about the Health Care Plan, the economy,
the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called Lifeline,
the suicide help line. Got a freakin’ call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck…..
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and
I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She
stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.
I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed
the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and
cried. Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
- Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?_____.
- Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price,
or $80. What is his profit?
- Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make
a profit? Yes or No
- Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
- Teaching Math In 1990
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares
nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so
he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for
class participation after answering the question : How did the birds and squirrels feel
as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)
- Teaching Math In 2010
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80.
Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
Amazing Home Remedies
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold them while you chop.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the bathroom sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you’ll
be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
doesn’t move and should, use the WD -40. If it shouldn’t move and
does, use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT
THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
A little levity never hurt anyone!
By David Rose
The bitter winter afflicting much of the Northern Hemisphere is only the start of a global trend towards cooler weather that is likely to last for 20 or 30 years, say some of the world’s most eminent climate scientists.
Their predictions – based on an analysis of natural cycles in water temperatures in the Pacific and Atlantic oceans – challenge some of the global warming orthodoxy’s most deeply cherished beliefs, such as the claim that the North Pole will be free of ice in summer by 2013.
According to the US National Snow and Ice Data Centre in Colorado, Arctic summer sea ice has increased by 409,000 square miles, or 26 per cent, since 2007 and even the most committed global warming activists do not dispute this.
The scientists’ predictions also undermine the standard climate computer models, which assert that the warming of the Earth since 1900 has been driven solely by man-made greenhouse gas emissions and will continue as long as carbon dioxide levels rise.
They say that their research shows that much of the warming was caused by oceanic cycles when they were in a “warm mode” as opposed to the present “cold mode”.
This challenge to the widespread view that the planet is on the brink of an irreversible catastrophe is all the greater because the scientists could never be described as global warming “deniers” or sceptics.
However, both main British political parties continue to insist that the world is facing imminent disaster without drastic cuts in CO2.
This image of the UK taken from NASA’s multi-national Terra satellite on Thursday shows the extent of the freezing weather. Last week, as Britain froze, Climate Change Secretary Ed Miliband maintained in a parliamentary answer that the science of global warming was “settled”. Read more: Click here!
Why is it… if you cross the North Korean border illegally you get 12 years hard labor……
but if you cross the U.S. border illegally, you get a driver’s license, Social Security card, and free health care?
Whose bright idea was this?
Let’s take time out and have a little levity…
Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield ?
Because he said…..
- My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
- It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!
- Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble
was, she was coming home.
- A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was
home!
- A hooker once told me she had a headache.
- I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
- If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no! sex life at all.
- I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the
morning?’ She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’
- I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That’s when you put a bag over your
head in case the bag over her head comes off.
- I knew a girl so ugly, they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
- My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
- I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
- The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because
you came home early.’
- My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
- I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys
giggling.
- My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
- My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.
MY FAVORITE:
- My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.
I feel much better now!
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